Author Archives: backfromtheborderlands

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About backfromtheborderlands

These writing pieces and a few photos are from my experiences and messages I have gathered from living in the borderlands.

Part Time Angel

Have you ever been in a real fix?

Once traveling in China with three kids and way too many suitcases

We could not get our things to the train on time

Just impossible

All of a sudden a man comes up and says

“Here let me help you!”

And he did

And we got on our train

And then we wondered

Where did he come from?

Or

I love it when I get to be someone’s angel

This morning a dad and his young son

Out looking for breakfast

No one opens for breakfast around here until nine

I gave them some extra yogurt and bananas

The boy gave me a big smile

Sometimes we get real angels

When we are in dire straights

And there is no one else close enough to pull in for the job

Or listening to that little nudge inside

I know I saw one once

He even was playing a flute to prove it

© 2011 Julie Clark

Categories: borderlands, Poetry | Tags: , , , , | 3 Comments

On the Plane to Phuket

Walking the narrow path

A knife’s edge from the abyss

Every one of us has been there

At one time or another

Truly

Only a miracle

Keeps us going

One perilous step following the other

Our eyes steady ahead

Our hearts racing

Until the danger passes

And the path widens again

Green pastures on one side

A stream of cool water on the other

Not everyone makes it

And I don’t know why

© 2011 Julie Clark

Categories: borderlands, Paths, Poetry | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

Family

Did someone tell you it was easy?

They lied.

This is where we roll up our sleeves

And engage in the hard work of love.

It does not just happen.

We need to learn it.

Children need to learn it.

It isn’t always pretty.

Have you noticed?

Not a one of us is perfect.

Don’t give up.

Fathers, Mothers engage your children.

Teach them the art of:

Conversation

Boundaries

Respect.

Patience and Kindness are our friends.

They guide us along the path.

Children need to be taught by the ones who love them the most.

Not once,

Not twice,

But all of their growing up years.

Challenging?

Indeed.

This is not a path for the faint of heart.

But don’t worry.

Even the faintest of hearts can be revived.

I know.

I have one.

© 2010 Julie Clark

Categories: Poetry | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Christmas Eve

This time of year always reminds me of my gaps and limitations.  There are so many things I can’t do.  I can’t bake enough cookies to give away to neighbors and friends and still have enough for the family.  (My mom always seemed to be able to do it!) I never send out enough Christmas cards or buy enough gifts.  There is always someone I leave out.  I forgot to get the butter out of the microwave last night when Suzie was baking our Christmas bread and I was helping her.  Hence, the Christmas bread is not moist and rich like it is meant to be.  Good natured, Bill suggested we just lather extra butter on top when we eat it!

Continuing on the theme of not enough.  I remember as a child opening my last present and being disappointed that there weren’t anymore pretty packages to open.  The gifts I give or receive aren’t always just right.  Sometimes they need to be exchanged for a different size or color. I also remember when taking back gifts, was the exception not the norm.  A gift was just that, something to be received and thankful for, not looked at with a critical eye as I’m taking it out of the box wondering if I can’t exchange it for something I like better.

I wonder if those who often suffer depression during this time, aren’t more keenly aware of these limitations.

Maybe this is just what I need reminding of each year.  Maybe this is the point of why that baby was born in a manger.  We could not do it ourselves.  We could not keep the laws of God perfectly to win our way back into his favor.  Our only hope was a Savior, champion, redeemer, who could do it for us.  And what a wonderful Savior he is! Yet, in his humanity he also experienced limitations.  Was that why he said his disciples would do greater things than he did?  We collectively, over the centuries, empowered by the Holy Spirit, pooling all our resources and talents would be able to accomplish more than one man on his own could do?

I am learning that it is OK to have limitations.  In fact, it is just how it is, so the sooner I accept that, the more at peace I will be.  I cannot save the world, but I have a part.  Sometimes that part seems insignificant , but it is my part and added to the whole it is making a difference in the world.

Categories: Faith, God, Life | 1 Comment

Vancouver Impressions

City of green windows

Prosperity and success behind those windows

Far east meets far west

Meets far out and away from home for many

Struggling immigrants

Meets Christmas pageants

Old meets new

Again and again

Violence breaks out in the neighborhood

While we are sleeping

The pressure was in the air as we parked our car

Dreaming that night of a lost baby, lost hope

Their spirits grow faint

Their enemies are great

Will the residents tucked away

Safely in their comfortable homes

Lend a hand to the struggling ones

I met some who are

The uncertainty of the darkness is confusing

Distorting reality

The voices in the mist

Some malevolent

Lead the immigrants on paths

Deeper into darkness and fear

© 2010 Julie Clark

Categories: Poetry | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Stanley Park

Paths laid out in forests and along a hidden lagoon

Swans sail in the peaceful water

The view opens up to green windowed downtown

Confronted by a kind of city beauty

Sea wall closed to all but those who rules aren’t made for

Only to end at a lookout

Scramble up the hill and join the rule keepers

Naval barracks and tea houses speak of an earlier generation

Walking behind the aquarium

The gate swings open

The rule bender takes a side step inside

While the rule keeper stands guard outside

He comes back beckoning her to come see Beluga whales

She can’t resist the temptation and takes the risk

Glorious smiling mammals of white and grey with soft eyes

This small walkway is for all not just the ticket buyers

She would have missed it if she stood on principle

He would have missed it if he “cut his losses” and turned back to the forest path.

© 2010 Julie Clark

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Christmas Season

Another Christmas Season is here

There is something contagious in the air

Anticipation, excitement, preparation

Makes you want to decorate your house inside and out with lights and color

Get out the flour and start baking cookies

Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside

Some of the lights and decorations, however, start having another effect on me

Makes me nervous, like maybe these people are out of control!

The goal seems to be put out as many lights as possible on every eave and tree, along with Santa, reindeer, snowmen and candy canes

You have to understand

I haven’t lived in this country for several years

I notice differences, changes, and extremes

They aren’t subtle for me

How deep are those warm fuzzies anyways?

Do they last?

I don’t think there were a lot of warm fuzzies on that first bleak Christmas in the stinky stable

Animals don’t smell like cinnamon and spice

So what are we really looking for?

Faith, hope and love run deep and stick to the ribs, lasting long past the season

But, they cost much more than lights and tinsel

They are worth the price

That manger baby thought so when he later gave his life for them

Categories: Poetry | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Selected Poems for November

Snow Day

I listen to the soft crush of snow under my boots.

The snow muffled quiet brings a much-needed peace to the frantic city pace.

Enforced rest by steep, frozen roads is a hidden reprieve to many.

Why does it take an act of nature to teach us to be still?

Why do we shun silence and rest?

Are we afraid if we stop, our world will fall apart?

Are we afraid if we stop, our long ignored feelings and thoughts will rise in rebellion once we have slackened control of them?

It is like long ago we stepped onto a merry-go-round in the park.

At first it slowly turned, but with each revolution it gained speed until now it is moving so fast we can’t get off.

What is this hidden hand, pushing us at this frantic, out of control, speed?

The snow day reminds us:

We can get off the merry-go-round,

And our world won’t fall apart.

Rest will help our minds and bodies work better.

Letting go of control is good for us.   We really can’t control everything anyways.

Maybe our suppressed emotions have something to say to us, need our attention.

Maybe we won’t die if we listen to them and deal with them.

There is a good chance we will find healing.

© 2010 Julie Clark

The Great Exchange

 

You want this?

In your light I see

what I thought was good

To be full of holes

Like a worn out cloth

Hanging from the line.

You want this?

And what is this you offer in exchange?

A radiant purity that I cannot achieve.

A gift you say?

But I cannot release my filthy rags

Unless I move from my smug self-centeredness

To the center of that red-hot core

Called love.

How is this possible?

I will die at that core.

Yes, and live again,

Twice born.

Clothed in that radiant purity

You attained for me.

© 2007 Julie Clark

Fear

Fear has stocked me from childhood.

Like a restless tiger, it waits to pounce on its tired prey.

I’m done with it.

Realizing any fear leads back to the fear of death.

What’s so bad about dying?

It’s the only way out of here at present.

Out of here and into there.

Not that I want to rush things.

But in my time I to will follow my ancestors and every other man, woman and child before me.

I am facing that tiger and saying, my life is in stronger hands than yours.

I believe

I am beloved

And that Love that loves me is stronger than death.

© 2010 Julie Clark

Categories: Life, Love, Poetry | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Out with the old snow memories

It’s snowing this morning.

Need to get my boots on and inspect and experience this.

Have my emotions changed?

It’s beautiful looking out the window.

Will I feel trapped?  Afraid?

Those are old feelings from deep winters in another land.

Where getting around was on foot or sharing the icy roads with aggressive drivers who might have bought their licenses instead of passing any kind of driving test.

Those feelings could be from the winters where the wood ran out or the city gas ran low.

Or from the winter the young SUV driver driving too fast slid into my old, trusty RAV4.

It could be from even farther back in China when the central heat came on after it had snowed, and was turned off before winter was quite finished.  Or from waiting for buses on icy cold nights only to find when the bus came it was so packed that we couldn’t get on and had to wait for another.

There was that one winter here in Seattle where we left town just as the storm was moving in.  It chased us all the way down to southern Oregon where we were over taken by a blanket of whiteness.  We were able pull off the freeway and find a motel for the night.  Next morning we drove slowly to the pass, chained up and got over the mountain.

Then there was that other time driving up to the mountains for a ski weekend.  On an icy patch on the pass the car in front of us had stopped in the left lane on a blind curve!  We slid nicely into their open passenger door, crumpling it like a paper fan.  On the way down, two days later our van slipped down the road and did a nice 180 degree turn.  That convinced Bill that we really did need to put those chains on after all.

Silly feelings, really.

The kids always loved the snow.   Adventure and play options increased tenfold.

I only crashed the car once, only slipped and fell once a year.

Nobody died, no broken bones, just a few bruises is all.

Surely, not enough to cause this deep dread inside.

Funny, how emotions attach themselves to memories.

The feelings at the time come up again when the present reminds us of the past.

Truth is not always a component to this.

It’s time to open up those inner windows and let the light and peace of Christ rule and reign.

I love his words. They go something like this:  “Don’t be afraid.  You can have peace. Yes, you will have troubles and trials in this world, but I have overcome this world.  Stick with me.”

Time to brave the winter and make some new memories.

Categories: Poetry | Tags: , , , , | 1 Comment

Los Angeles

I.

I am reacquainting with the land of my birth.

At first the brightness is a bit much for me.

I squint like a subterranean mammal.

My sunglasses aren’t even enough.

Later, up on the trails of Griffith Park

I am astounded by the view.

I can see the ocean.

II.

Growing up in the suburbs I never really knew this city.

It was just the city to drive through, catch a plane or to make short, infrequent forays into.

I once was intimidated by its size.

Now, I want to explore its streets and neighborhoods.

I want to find where my parents grew up.

Where is that hill my grandmother described to me where she lived?  The one the heavy doctor couldn’t make it up to deliver her first child?

Where did my mother catch the streetcar to take her to work everyday during World War II?

Where did my father first learn to drive? The office he worked in where he fell in love with my mother?

The biggest change I notice since I grew up and went away is how clear the air is.

I remember smog alert days at school with achy lungs, stingy eyes and staying inside to play.

The destruction of man subsides and the earth renews itself.

III.

Coming and going over the years, change is the constant.

There is always movement in some direction.

I think of the earth again, spinning on its journey around a sun that is on a journey of its own.

I miss, I mourn what I have lost, what I have missed.

The children growing, they don’t always remember who I am.

The years the dear ones aged and died.

I was never enough by their side.

Accepting my limitation is the challenge.

I will never do and be all that I hope.

I must learn to be content with the confines of one human life.

© 2010 Julie Clark

Categories: borderlands, Life, Poetry | 1 Comment

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