The Omaha winter
Stretches its fingers
Into the fall
With crisp blasts of air
It’s a warning
To prepare
“Don’t take me lightly!”
She says
“I am just around the corner.”
The swirling colors
Of the trees
Take their time
To reply
“OK, OK,
We’re leaving
We’re leaving.”
Recently I read a blog that took an excerpt from the book Eight Secrets to Highly Effective Parenting by Scott Turansky, D.Min. and Joanne Miller, R.N., B.S.N. The passage compared running to disciplining children. The writers emphasize the primary goal of parenting to be teaching children to obey. This doesn’t sit right with me, even though at one time in my young parenting I might have agreed with them. They refer back to the Biblical 5th commandment of “Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long full life in the land the Lord your God will give you.” (Exodus 20:12) The Apostle Paul also writes “Children obey your parents”. He also speaks to fathers and says: “Do not exasperate your children.” I propose that when we make obedience our goal in raising children we can very easily exasperate them, and even wound them, which would lead to all sorts of trouble for these children as well as trouble in our relationship with them.
If we look to the founder of our faith, Jesus, whose example Christians are meant to follow, I believe the goal of our parenting is love. We are to teach and train our children to receive love and give love. Jesus emphasizes the two greatest commandments in which we are instructed to love God, others and ourselves. (Matthew 22:38-40) Jesus’ example in the gospels of receiving and blessing children, even rebuking his disciples when they harshly tried to keep them away from him, is the one I want to follow. He delighted in them, blessed them and affirmed them. He even honored them by teaching his disciples to become like them. Jesus also taught us that if we love him, we will obey him. So obedience flows from a heart full of love. When I know him and love him, of course I want to please him and do what he asks of me. I want to make his heart glad, put a smile on his face and make him proud of me.
As a Pastor, Healing Prayer Counselor and Parent Coach I have seen too many children and adults who have been wounded by this kind of harsh obedience orientated parenting, my own children included. (Thank God they have forgiven me!) Instead I propose that we let love be our goal. I am not saying this is easy or promoting a wishy-washy kind of permissive parenting where anything goes. I am promoting engaged, creative parenting where we are committed to disciple our children, rather than merely discipline them. As we teach and train with the long-term goal of raising loving children, they will become loving adults who respond to God’s love as well as love themselves and those around them.
Everything lost
Shall be found
Everything left behind
Catches up
There is a rhythm
There is a rhyme
A purpose
And a plan
A weaving and a spinning
Healing and redemption
When we see
As we are seen
And know
As we are known
When love reigns
In the air
On the earth
And in the sea
© 2012 Julie Clark
It was bound to come
Tourists are going home
Leaving the beaches and the board walks
School bells are ringing
Teachers are working hard again
Last minute shopping to get the son still left in college
Supplied with peanut butter and pencils
That crispness is in the evening air
Our sunny days are numbered
Time to buy the winter fuel
Started a knitting project two days ago
(Don’t tell anyone but, I am missing the rain)
Life and Time are moving forward
We are all ushered into their dance
No one gets to sit it out
All is changing
All is turning
© 2012 Julie Clark
For many years my family and I lived in China. Even though I had the basics of the Chinese language, there were so many things to learn each day, not only about the language but also the customs and culture of the Peoples around me. We were fortunate to live in an area where there were several ethnic groups. This made for lots of diverse and rich experiences.
Everyday when I would step out of my apartment building I would be greeted by different people in different ways. In Chinese language school we had learned that “Ni hao” was the traditional greeting. The only thing was that it was usually I who would say that, but the locals would say something different, such as “Have you eaten enough?” or “Going to the market are you?” or “Where are you going?” or “Where are you coming from?” It took me awhile to figure it out but, I think stating the obvious or asking an obvious question was the greeting. One year we came back from America after the birth of our little baby girl. Each day when I stepped out I would hear over and over again: “Oh, your baby isn’t wearing enough clothes!” So the next day I would try to bundle her up a bit more. It didn’t seem to matter because I would hear the same thing every day, especially from the Grannies. It wasn’t until a particularly warm, sunny, early spring day that it dawned on me. I was sure I had her bundled up enough and I knew a little sunshine would be good for her, so I wasn’t prepared for the usual: “Your baby isn’t wearing enough clothes!” In fact I kind of lost it! “What do you mean she isn’t wearing enough clothes??? Look how sunny and warm it is, and I have her all bundled up anyways!” When I saw the confused stare on this particular Granny’s face, then I realized she was just saying “good morning” to me. So after that experience I would calmly remind myself when ever I heard that particular phrase that they were just saying hi!
This was right around the same time that I noticed my 4-year-old son had his own particular greeting. He and his friends were playing out in front of our apartment. The young girl who helped me make lunch called me over to the window and pointed. It was the time of day when the teachers came back to their homes for lunch. Many of them had stacks of hot naan in their arms. My son was putting his hand out and my generous neighbors walking by were pulling off pieces of naan and giving it to him!
I am finding the borderlands here.
The place I came from and call home, where I have never been a foreigner, so my passport tells me.
Even though I am an introvert, I really love this place of getting to know others who are different from myself, once I get past my shyness.
Pressing out beyond the familiar helps me keep growing, learning and loving.
Last month at the Bosnian Mosque on the Day of Remembrance, I could remember with my neighbors and help just a little to carry their burden.
The Arab young men my husband works with have been a delight.
Who would have thought that one of them knew how to make raspberry cheesecake!
Yet, I have known for a long time that this is not my true home.
My heart tells me there is so much more beyond this land I see.
Because daily I am there at the borderlands of heaven and earth,
Every time I pray.
The ache in our hearts
Is the call
To come deeper
Come closer
To the One
Who sees us
Knows us
Loves us
And satisfies us
Beyond all measurement.
We don’t always
Recognize
The voice
In our pain
We run
To another
Temporary comfort
That leaves us
Hollow and unsatisfied
Self-hating and
Aching for
The true source
Of all that we need.
It is a learning
To be turning
Towards that faint sound
Of the rushing river
To be seeking
In desperation
For that Living Water
Like a deer
Panting
A matter of life or death
To find and
To know that
We have been found
And we are known
And brought safely
Home.
© 2012 Julie Clark
I cannot see it
But I am taking it with me
It travels well
Lasts forever
I’m hanging onto hope
Not letting it go
Even though
Hope stealers
Stand on every corner
In my mind
“Just give up!”
“You’ll never make it.”
“Life is too hard.”
No
I am not listening
Pushing past
Because
I have done this before
And I know
Life and Light
Are just beyond
The corner of my pain
Hope packs well
Into my heart
Fits snuggly next to
Faith and Love
© 2012 Julie Clark
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